“Carved in Stone”

How young you were when you
Towered over me, as you
Overpowered me,
A mountain kicking a pebble
Down into the dirt
Where I played not with dolls
But my own hurt.
And I tried to heal
From under your heel,
To learn to feel
But everything about me was crushed small
And alone.

Now, I stand staring
At your uncaring dust,
Touching the stone that bears your name:
It’s all of the mountain that remains.
My triumph over you ends in a sigh:
I couldn’t make you love me before you died.

 

*Author’s Note: Yesterday was my forty-third birthday. As some of you may know, I lost my mother to cancer when she was forty-three years old. I have now outlived her by a day. My feelings for her have often been very mixed-up, as she was quick to both temper and violence. I loved her, I hated her, and I pitied her. I believe she was a creature of her own fear and I have,  as best as I’m able, forgiven her. But always, I regret what could have been between us.

I didn’t write this poem for her so much as for me. These words needed to come out. It may not be the best of my work but it is perhaps the most honest. If the structure seems fragmented, broken, and disorderly…well, it matches my heart and mind at the moment.

Thanks for reading and your time.

**Further note: I had the song “In the Woods Somewhere” by Hozier stuck in my head while writing this. If you want to hear it, you can find it here.

 

Advertisements